Everybody's leaving.....

TGIF…I am ready to blow the 5pm, well here it’s more like the 7-8pm whistle [music playing…You know you make me want to SHOUT!!] I miss Z100’s 5 o’clock whistle! Anyway after a week of very late night conference calls and sobriety (not one drop people) I am ready to get the weekend started. That being said, it is the beginning of a bittersweet one.

First of all, today is the temp’s last day. Let me tell you he is going to make some lady very happy one day. Today I come back from getting my lunch and there is a card and a bookmark with my name on it (don’t really understand that one) from him. The card is kind of mushy about friendship (which is strange) and this is what he wrote:

Hi Jennifer! Time just flies! You have been the biggest blessing to me during my time here! Your warm smile and random comments (love that!) never fail to brighten my day. Glad to have met a friend like you. May God continue to bless your time here abundantly! Keep in Touch JL.

Ok seriously, that made me cry and sounds like something I would say when I am drunk (minus the God part of course). Anyway..how cute is the temp!!!

So tonight I am off to goodbye drinks for my friend MK who after seven years here is heading back to NYC. NYC peeps, you will meet him. He’s a cool guy (and cute).

Tomorrow night is goodbye drinks for my friend SF. This one I am super, super sad about!! He is my Singapore gay boyfriend and he is moving back to London. Tomorrow will be very sad and I am sure messy seeing that he loves wine just as much as I do. I will be certain to take lots of pics since the itinerary is taking us to two of my favorite rooftop bars which are beautiful.

Anyway that’s about it! Have a great long weekend!

XOXO JB

MMMM...Mooncakes!

I experienced another first today…mooncake! No its not that freezed dried stuff that astronauts eat and you get on your school trips to the Smithsonian. These delicious little cakes come around once a year to celebrate the Mid-Autumn festival here in Asia. All I can say is yum and thank god they only come around once a year.

There are two versions, the traditional and the non-traditional and both come in many different flavors. I had the non-traditional version snow-skin (pastel almost translucent sugary skin) filled with champagne truffle and chocolate ganache (I gained 5 lbs just typing that). The traditional version (pictured) is a pastry outside and have egg yokes as the center…(the truffle acted as the egg yolk in my version). It was really good but so super sweet its out of control.

By the time I got back to my desk, as you can imagine, I was hating myself for sampling the mooncake so I decided to learn why these little treats taunt us and what the Mid-Autumn Festival is all about.

A long time ago, according to a famous Chinese legend, the earth had ten suns circling it, each taking its turn to illuminate and warm it. One day, all ten suns appeared together, and the combined heat resulted in a terrible drought. To save the world from imminent destruction, China’s famous and able archer, Hou Yi, shot down nine of the suns. He became the hero and the Emperor presented him with the most beautiful woman in the land, Chang Er, to whom he married. The Emperor also rewarded him with a magic pill containing the elixir of immortality.

The curious Chang Er discovered the pill and consumed it in her husband’s absence. She transformed into a fairy and drifted to the moon, leaving the grief-stricken Hou Yi behind. His longing for Chang Er so touched the heart of the deities that they allow the couple to meet on the fifteenth day of each month in the lunar calendar. Thus, the Mid-Autum Festival is celebrated on this day each year (this year ~ September 25) As the full moon is round in shape and the word circle is synonymous with the word unity in Chinese, the Mid-Autum Festival is heralded as a time of harmony and blissful family reunions.

Humm…blissful family (and friends) reunions….September 25…I’ll certainly be celebrating since I’ll be BACK IN NYC…enjoying blissful reunions!!

What's the meanest thing...

I was having dinner with PH the other night and we were talking about a new friend (actually a JB love interest) that was out with us the previous night. I described this new friend as having no personality and PH’s reaction to that statement was “that is the meanest thing you can say about someone…that they have no personality”. Side note: I am really not kidding though this guy has a big fat ZERO in the personality dept. I tried numerous different conversation topics: work, movies, drinking, sports, travel and there was just no enthusiasm, no funny come backs, nothing interesting at all and I am not the only one who noticed it. Some other comments:

HF: Cute but his lack of personality makes him unattractive (ouch)
VB: BORING!
PH: Dull
SD: thought he was just shy but I just think he is boring.

Oh I may want to let you know even after all that I ended up kissing him. I have to believe it was only because I was tired of TRYING to make conversation..shame since he is quite cute!

Ok back to the subject of the post, so I thought about PH’s reaction to my zero personality comment and it being the meanest thing you can say about someone and I have to disagree (actually think HF’s was worse). After much thought which included, ugly, lazy, cheap, mean...handsdown I think its stupid. I just think that is awful and not easy to bounce back from. Stupid is something that is not easily changed about ones self.

Thoughts?

You have got to be kidding me...

Sometimes my life really stinks! I noticed a couple of weeks ago a new posting in the pantry "New Signapore Associates" and of course included on this new posting....photos.




Beautiful huh?? Not only do I look like I just recently killed someone, it looks like chances are I ate them too I look so bloated. The strange thing is I have no idea where this picture came from. Its not my ID pic but must have been taken as soon as I got here since my hair is much shorter now (thank god). Also there is the strange shine on my head like I am being interrogated.

Seeing that the two guys also pictured in the flyer work on my floor, I was pretty certain that this horrible, horrible picture was not being seen on other floors and I thought "hey they see me everyday so my fellow 18th floor staffers know that is a terrible pic" I pretty much forgot about it until Friday. I come back from lunch to this emaill from my good friend Katherine:


To: JennB
From: KH (16th floor)
Subject is: Photo in Pantry

[my heart skipped a beat...it can't be]
open email
Hey do you know that your picture is posted in the pantry on the 16th floor...
My response
Oh dear! I thought is was only on 18th. Isn't it horrible?
KH Response
HAHAHA yeah its right on the trading floor. It is pretty bad
In my head TRADING FLOOR!!!!

Me typing furiously to HF on the 15th floor
HF can you do me a favor and go to your pantry....is there a picture of me in there?
The seconds seemed like hours for her response.
HF response
HAHAHAHAHAHA...yup..HHAHAHAHAHAHA


I don't know anyone on 17 but pretty sure I am there too. Vain I know but did you look at the pic?? You'll notice it says July - August only a couple more days left!


Oh sorry for the poor quality of the photo but I had to rush a take it before anyone came in!

Did you know (I didn't)

This is the first of a series of posts titled "Did you Know (I didn't)" where I will highlight some new things I have learned about the region I now call home. I will also include my opinion/reaction to the new bit of info.

So my first fact is:

Did you know that it is a tradition in Indonesia to lessen prison sentences on public holidays?

I learned about this as Indonesia's Independence day just passed and two of the Bali bombers' sentences were reduced as a result of this tradition.

I say F that tradition...its stupid.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Just Like Prince...

Notice anything different about the blog today???

I have (well actually webmaster Jeff) replaced my “I’m drunk and think I’m sexy smile” picture with the this symbol ----->

My blog personality is now merely known as a symbol much like Prince (used to be).

Those of you who have seen me in a bathing suit or naked will recognize this symbol as the one I have on my back which means love in Chinese. So there you have the new me Love..… How hippy is that?? I hope you like it.

I was actually getting sick of looking at myself (did JenniB really just say that???)

Signed,

This sexy Motherf*****! (since some of my readers take offence to the blog name not knowing it’s from a song….that signature is from a Prince song)

Belated Weekend Review

After the horrible week I had last week, I was ready to get the weekend started! Friday night SD and SF has a vodka themed BBQ at our complex. A lot of BBQ items were eaten and vodkas drinks drank which resulted in SD and me going for a swim..fully clothed.

Good times!

I decided to have a mellow Saturday since PH and I planned on doing a 3.5 hour hike in the jungle on Sunday. Sunday morning we headed off to MacRichie Reservoir for our adventure. I picked up PH in a cab and he was equipped with a backpack filled with water, sunscreen and extra socks??? I was impressed as I just had my phone and a camera. His days as a youth group camp counselor were really paying off for me.

After only a 15 minute/$7.00 cab ride outside of the city, I was pretty skeptical about this actually being a jungle and was kicking myself for not exercising in the morning seeing that it appeared quite flat. About 10 minutes into the hike I was sweating like a pig so regrets of no morning exercise were out the window.

As we ventured further in I was not disappointed. It was really beautiful. The highlight of the hike is a long suspension bridge. Just as we were about to walk on I was greeted by our new friend to which I started yelling..it’s a monkey!..its a monkey!

When we got to the other side of the bridge we entered this really creepy area. All you could hear were the trees swishing and limbs breaking but could not make out where it was all coming from until your eyes adjusted and you make out hundreds of eyes staring back at you…more monkeys! this time little ones. They were so cute but as the same time reminded me of those creepy flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.

We did manage to see a snake, a croc and this big lizard.

All in all it was great first time jungle experience.

XO Indiana Jenn!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL!

Everyone please join me in wishing my wonderful sister a very happy brithday!!

Mel, I love you more than anything and wish I was there to help you celebrate!

Love B

The Book

I have always toyed with the idea writing a book not because of the numerous horrible date stories, incidents with homeless people or the various things that seem to only happen to me but because I like to think of what I would actually call it. I considered stealing the wonderful Judy Blume title Blubber because I am obsessed with weight and its just a funny word, I’ve have been considering “Off to a Rocky Start” since I have realized that most of my posts and quite frankly most of everything in my life gets off to a rocky start but I think I will go back to my favorite which I have actually gone as far as to design the cover. The title…Single Girl at the Couple’s Table (see below)

I am pretty sure you can pick me out…yup that’s me amid all the cuddly couples. I vividly remember when that picture was taken…all of the sudden the photographer’s lens appears at the end of the table and the girls to left (singing…to the left to the left, I digress) and to my right automatically cling to their BF’s and leave me in single girls no-mans land (literally). I almost took that wine glass in front of me and held it to my face so at least I was cuddling with something. Come to think of it wine does act as my confidant, protector and all around best friend sometimes..humm.. You know what though, I got to spend the rest of that weekend sleeping in the same bed as Chena (shout out) so there all you couples…who’s jealous now.

Back to the book, I have even come up with some of the chapters of Single Girl.. there will be no explanation to the titles

Chapter 1
Tales of the 1am vacuum

Chapter 2 & 3
Jungle Fever

Chapter 4
Sex, Drugs and House Music ( and Caesar)

Chapter 5
Good Bye JC…Hello BK

Chapter 6 -25
Work in progress

Chapter 25
Getting to know you…happiness

Chapter 26
你好新加坡 (Hello Singapore)

And so on and so on……

So there you have it. Not that this will ever been written as this is as creative as I get (and I’m lazy) but I did buy a cat because I liked the name Mandu (Kat-Mandu) so hey, you never know.

Peace out and have a good weekend.

BAD MOOD

I seriously hate people and and everything that people do. I hate:

* When people can't pronounce my name and then call me Miss Jennifer
* I hate sales people
* I hate two-faced people
* I hate waiting
* I hate cookie...wait I love cookies but I hate how I feel after eating said cookies...3 today
* I hate missing my friend/family
* I hate accents
* I hate stupid cell phone rings
* I hate when people do not say they are sorry when they bump into you

If you can't tell I am in a horrible/hateful mood today but this venting has made me feel at least a little better... thanks!

Sorry, I like Boys..

Those were the words coming out of my mouth just as you were getting to work yesterday morning (9:00pm my time last night). That was about the time I was leaving the gym and “ran into” the woman that registered me for my membership. I put ran into in quotes because she is always everywhere I go at the gym..waving to me in class, behind the check-in counter when I arrive. I honestly didn’t think anything of her ability to be everywhere I am and chalked it up to her feeling sorry for saying I had too much fat when I joined (yup she’s the one!) Not even the $50 gift certificate to the steak place around the corner (I can hear you all laughing at that one) tipped me off to her intentions, well..… she asked me out last night!! SERIOUSLY and that was my response “Sorry I like boys.” I was so flustered I didn’t know what to say…I just laughed and out popped those words. She was cool about the whole thing but I have so many thoughts going through my head. She must have been pretty confident that I was going to accept…A) Am I too manly in the weight lifting classes B) was I flirting and didn’t know it…can’t be it she’s not even cute C) Maybe she just wanted to be my friend and now I look like a total conceited loser…nope..I don’t think I was mistaken. I guess I will know soon enough seeing that I will be at the gym tonight. If I have an “accident” on the treadmill you know what happened.

Perhaps I will go buy some super fly gym clothes after work today……oh wait last time I did that someone (a homeless man) called me a fat ass and I was depressed for weeks.

Only me!

Are you kidding me??

My favorite lunch past time is to catch up on my celebrity gossip and I come along this tidbit on Page Six today:

WITH eight marriages under his belt and nine kids by five of those wives, Mickey Rooney says he's finally learned how to make a relationship work.

Eight marriages?????? I can't even find one person to like....what gives???

Monday, Monday

I hope everyone was able to enjoy their weekend even though I am sure some of you experienced some restless nights thinking..”humm..I wonder why JB has not posted in a couple of days??” “Humm..I wonder how Shaggy was?” “Humm…I wonder what the National Day celebration was like?” Well I am sorry about that but am about to answer all your questions is a very brief wrap-up of the last couple of days in my life.

No post: Work has all of the sudden become so crazy busy which is a good thing. To add an insult to the increasing workload, I am dealing quite a bit with India and lets just say…a lot is lost in translation. Each time I get off the phone I am seriously sweating the conversations are so difficult.

Singfest (Shaggy): Let me tell you this was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. When I think of outdoor music concert, I think of a huge open field where you are packed in body to body and can barley make out the people on the stage, however, I did not take into consideration the fact that I was in Singapore and everything is on a much smaller scale…the setting was beautiful. Think concerts in Central Park but much smaller.

As most things in my life, this night got off to a rocky start. It is not an exciting story so I will spare you the details but I ended up missing Shaggy’s performance. I arrived right after he finished and everyone was raving about his performance…I was like..they have to be joking but apparently he rocked. All was not lost though as he sang All through the Night and Girls Just Wanna have fun with Cyndi Lauper. I witnessed it myself….Shaggy rocked. Cyndi lets just say amazing and I want to be her when I grow up. Sugar Ray….DAMN!! Mark McGrath is H-O-T!!!! I shimmied up to the front row for their performance and got some good pics. He is so hot but when he had his sunglasses he looking amazingly just like Johnny Drama from Entourage. The Pet Shop boys ended the night (2am). They had the best back-up dancers I have ever seen.

Cyndi
Cyndi & ShaggyPet Shop Boys

National Day: Nothing really special. I did go to my friend’s office party where I heard a familiar accent and turned around to see a couple that were obviously from NY. I was like oh I have to go introduce myself and bond over all the things we miss about NYC. I am totally stereotyping here but I am pretty sure this guy grew up in Bayridge or SI. So before I can make my move, the fire works started at which point I hear VERY LOUDLY…Hey-oh! Yo this is just like Macys fireworks.[please read that sentence with the stereotypical NY accent). I just had to laugh to myself.

Weekend: Had a wonderful Indian dinner with a bunch of friends and then…..2 for 1 lychee martinis…..enough said…..

It Wasn't Me...

I am so excited every minute seems an eternity today…why you ask??? Well tonight I am dusting off my dancing shoes, breaking out the concert t-shirts and heading over to Fort Canning park for Singapore’s one and only outdoor music festival..SingFest. Tonight’s line up is a good one with performances by Cyndi Lauper (based on Jeff’s experience she will not disappoint) The Pet Shop Boys… annnnddddd…wait for it, wait for it……SHAGGY. Yup…the incomparable Shaggy will be performing his classic hit..It Wasn’t me…and any other craptacular “hit” he may have had. I will take a picture of my excitement when I hear the first twang of whatever instrument is played in that song to share with you. I can just imagine your excitement. To make the evening even better, Thursday is a holiday so I can really let loose (did I just type that??? I really am a loser).

Actually I am going to make this a double header post since I will be out of the office on Thursday soo..time for some learning.

Tomorrow is National Day here in Singapore so I thought it would be a good idea to see what exactly I am celebrating other than a day off.

The National Day in Singapore is observed every year on the 9th of August since the time Singapore gained her independence from Malaysia in the year 1965. It was on this day that Singapore withdrew itself from the Federation of Malaysia and became a republic a month later. The National Day is celebrated by all people to venerate Singapore's independence.
The National Day of Singapore is celebrated with a national Day Parade. This Parade on Singapore National Day has become the grandest national event in Singapore. The celebrations of the national day of Singapore include an amazing exhibit of fireworks that marks the pinnacle of the parade when the sky becomes a canvas of colors. It is accompanied by military parades, colorful demonstrations of different cultural groups, amazing stunts by the Singapore Armed Forces parachutists and the melodious choirs by the school children.
The Singaporeans dress themselves up in the patriotic colors of red and white. There are also a number of patriotic songs composed for the national day in Singapore such as 'Stand up for Singapore', 'Count on me Singapore', etc.

The National day in Singapore is thus celebrated with a great pomp and splendor and ensures an entertaining occasion of music, dance, colors and fireworks galore.

Let me tell you they really do take this celebration seriously. The armed forces have been practicing their amazing stunts referenced above for the past month which has them flying over my complex each Sunday at 3pm. The stunts…they are amazing. Also, every corner of this city is draped in the Singapore flag. How am going to celebrate??? I am going to a party where I will really show how patriotic I am by drinking lots and lots of RED (the nations color) wine an most likly wearing some wine by the end of the night.

[singing]….how could I forget I had given her the extra key…it wasn’t me….

The Resembalance is Uncanny (ACTION!)

This is the title of a movie that will never be made. It is the story of a group of friends in New York/New Jersey/Pennsylvania. I am guessing it falls into the romantic comedy genre.

The cast of characters is as follows:

Heather…….Jessica Biel (Nipsy was the first choice but died before production began)
Jeff…… Freddie Prinze Jr.
Seth…..Daniel Day Lewis
Kelly..Peppermint Patty (its animated)
Adam…….Matt Leblanc
Jackie….Jewel (its also a musical)
JDizzle….Katie Holmes
Beeps….Tobey McGuire
Rita….Courtney Cox
Mel….Liza Manelli
Kitty… Lindsey Lohan (when she was not such a mess and had red hair)
Cyndi…….Kyra Sedgewick
Manley “T-Bone”…Any surviving cast member of Animal House
And
Playing the roles of Mandu, Kiki & Mame….Timmy from Passions (R.I.P..fantasy sequence)

This is what I think about when I can’t sleep.

Feel free to add or change characters

Do I have a problem???

What’s up!

I am back and completely relaxed from my weekend in Phuket…I know, I know…not what you expected to hear..you were expecting crazy stories of drunken mayhem, the ping pong ball trick and all sorts of debauchery but no, it was pure relaxation.

I knew that a mellow weekend was in store when on my way to the airport KH decided to tell me that SC does not drink…(Inside my head (IH)…record scratch…..WHAT??????????????? who does not drink…turn this car around) but does not mind when people drink around her (IH: ok..humm wonder why??? Betty Ford alum?? Just a freak??..I am going to get drunk and ask…vacation back on track)

We got to the villa around 7:00pm and let me tell you this place did not disappoint. It was pretty sick….(IH…Could I afford a place like this with all the money I would save by not drinking?? For oh but a brief second sobriety sounded good…F THAT!). After a tour of the place SC suggested we sit by the pool for a “drink” to chat before dinner (IH: Now that’s what I am talking about) SC: water or diet coke (IH: Oh for the love of god! Think about your guests man!!)

We headed to dinner and I managed to have 2 glasses of wine but not without feeling like I was ordering a needle full of heroin each time I flagged down the waiter (KH had only one drink). Just to clarify though these feeling were totally brought upon myself and by no means did she/they make me feel strange about drinking. I, on the other hand, was seeing a side of myself that I never noticed before because most of my friends enjoy the drink just as much as I do. I felt kind of like I had a problem....did I really need to drink to have a good time??? Does fun always include drinking?? I felt like I was having a major "after school special" dilemma. F that I’m fine..I am on vacation!

My drinking self conscienceness subsided and by Saturday night’s dinner I was up to 3 glasses of vino (to my surprise 3 glasses actually make you tipsy when you drink slowly like they are supposed to) and embarked on some tipsy bathing suit shopping which had me walking around the shop with just a bikini and heels. Aww…liquid confidence…is there anything better??

I will not bore you with all the relaxing details of the weekend…the most amazing food, beach, pool, massage…but all in all it was a great trip. Thailand is an amazing spot and can not wait to get back there again.

I don't have a problem right??

XO

Thanks for Playing

Thanks to Kitty, Jeff, JDizzle and Kelly for your participation in the first edition of Coffee Time Quiz… All answers receive a big ole BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….

WHAMMY!

God I loved that show especially when Whammy did the moonwalk.

The correct answer is (drumroll)…..Phuket, Thailand. I am headed out tonight for a quick weekend trip with my friend Katherine. One of her friends just purchased a villa in Phuket and what better housewarming gift than a visit from us…who wouldn’t love that???? Anyway, I have no expectations for the trip as long as my fat ass in parked in the sand and a cocktail is in my hand.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

XO JB

Friend Dating

I mentioned friend dating in one of my previous posts so I thought now would be a good time to elaborate.

Having lived in the either NY or NJ my whole life, there has never been a time where I didn’t have a solid circle of friends or family to hang with. There are some people that have been my friends for a very long time and then some new friends who just effortlessly slipped into my exhisting circle. Regardless, I was lucky enough to have that aspect of my life not be a problem or stressful. Until now…..I stepped off the plane ALONE!! No Jeff, Seth, Mel, Jackie, Kelly….. to call for a glass or wine or plate of cheese..just me. This was empowering and f’ing scary at the same time.

Little did I know I was about to enter the world of friend dating…..

Friend dating is very similar to blind dating but the chance of getting lucky at the end of the night are even less. In most friend dating cases you hear from a friend who has a friend; who has a cousin; who’s brother’s college roommate is now living in Singapore…what a coincidence! you guys should meet up (would that really happen in NYC)!!!! When you are dealing with nothing…this sounds like a great option so the emails begin and the “date” (applies to guys and girls) is set and the date planning begins:

Outfit: Can’t be too dressy or too casual…always appear more put together yet more relaxed then your potential “friend”
Venue: If meeting a guy…let him choose since that is what you do when you date right??? Meeting girl: let her choose because chances are she has been here longer and knows more places.
Actual Date: Butterflies in stomach as get to venue. Why I ask myself??? You sit, you drink, compare stories all the while thinking in the back of your mind “Could I really see myself having fun with this person” Could I get drunk, put on a schoolgirl outfit, a wig and buy beer at the corner store…oh I miss Brooklyn!
Post Date: You sit and wait for contact or you sit and think when should I make contact (this is actually a non issue if you did not feel a connection....sound familiar….umm hello.…DATING!) because of course you don’t want to seem too anxious.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? FRIENDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE EASY PART OF MY LIFE!!!

Actually this scenario (roommate of someone you really don’t even know) is really not the stressful one. The stressful one is the “meeting of friends of someone you already know and like but you can’t only have them as a friend meeting” This one is stressful! If they don’t like you they can talk smack to someone you already like OR you are stuck depending on just one person…DRAMA. Much of the date plays out the same until the end…if business cards are exchanged the date was successful and chances are it’s the start of some boozie suzie nights!!!

Luckily my friend dating has proved a lot more successful than real dating! I have yet to have someone order lobster and make me pay, take “it” out on my doorstep, or wear a full flowy linen suit with mandels (most of you get these references). Hey at least I am good at one of them.

So there you have it, friend dating and a little honest glimpse into my life…insecurities and all.

Tune in tomorrow for the answer to Coffee Quiz!

Coffee Time Quiz....

Question #1: Name the Destination

Question #2: Guess who is going there this weekend.