BALLS

It's official, Australians know how to party a lot better than the Scotts. The 2008 Australian Ball was a mess. Seriously it was like the prom. I think having a better time had a lot to do with the fact that I was actually with my friends and knew a lot more people. We had 4 tables all together and Rachel, Katherine and I were clearly at the singles table…along with Hottie McHottie (reference to pictures from the rave). I was very surprised, HMH actually looks better casually dressed and his shoes were awful. They were super pointy and seriously, I think they were made of some sort of animal skin a la Crocodile Dundee (how appropriate) but he is really nice and loves to dance so fun was had by all.

So as the night progressed, I realized that I had lost the key to my apartment. I honestly have no idea how this could have happened since everything else was in my bag... This was not another Police Athletic League moment where the keys were actually in my bag the whole time!! Seriously it is a huge mystery! Luckily my discovery happened at the very end of the night as this totally put me over the edge. It would be ok if the key was an actual key, however it is an access card that I have to order from Tokyo and it is just one big mess. Rachel, calmed me down and poured us both into a cab to head back to our complex where she managed to convince me to stay over.

I woke up the next morning, ½ naked with no idea where I was or how I got there. Once I got myself together, I decided that the best thing to do would be to get my gown back on, go to security and ask them to let me in my apartment (they have to have a master key right??). So there I was, 10:00am on a Sunday, full formal wear (jewelry and all) and dragged myself to security to explain the situation. They seemed to understand and we started walking to my apt. I should have been tipped off that things were not going to be easy by the following convo:

Security: Someone waiting for you upstairs?
Me: no
Security: Your husband upstairs
Me: No, no husband and I live on the ground floor
Security: Smile (which means I don’t understand)
We get to my apartment
Security: Oh no miss, I thought you wanted to go up in the elevator. I don’t have a key for your apartment.
Me: UGGGGGG. Well what am I supposed to do?? Do you have a locksmith’s number?
Security: Yeah but will be very expensive for a Sunday.
Inside my Head: I DON”t CARE I AM IN A GOWN IT IS F’ING 100 DEGREES OUT AND I AM BASICALLY A RAISIN I AM SO DEHYDRATED

I managed to get the number, called and was assured that he would be to me in 30 minutes. Ok that was not too bad so I sat on my doorstep and began the long, hot, wait for help. I decided to pass the time by looking at the pictures from the previous night…here is where the title of this post takes on a whole new meaning.. so I turned on the camera expecting a smiling JenniB to look my way when I come across something that I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Honestly I thought it was a mushroom until two minutes later I realize some loser took my camera while it was unattended and took a picture of his BALLS! I was totally disgusted but managed to laugh that I actually thought it was a mushroom (it was the angle).

So the story ends like this, after 30 minutes of waiting for the locksmith, he arrived with a security guard followed by the gas man who was coming to deliver gas for my stove. So picture it, me (remember full formal wear) with 3 Singaporean men (who all barley spoke English) outside my door as all the families and respectable people were headed to the pool for their day of fun.

I have lost my dignity once again.